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Pennington to Reed “the new Marino to Clayton”

MIAMI, FL—In the wake of their disappointing 27-9 loss to the Ravens on Sunday, Dolphin fans were left with the consolation of having the biggest turnaround season in NFL history, and the makings of a potentially historic dynamic duo in the partnership of Dolphins quarterback Chad Pennington and Ravens safety Ed Reed. Pennington found Reed twice, once for a 64-yard touchdown, prompting many to wonder if Pennington/Reed was the next chapter of tremendous production in Dolphin history. “The dynamic-ness of this tandem is truly historic,” commented Boomer Esiason on NFL [continue reading...]

Posted on January 5th, 2009 | Leave A Comment

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Jets seeking an older, more mature and experienced quarterback

NEW YORK -- A week ago Sunday afternoon the New York Jets were eliminated from playoff contention when they lost to the Miami Dolphins, but back in August with a [continue reading...]

Utah victory over Alabama proves once and for all that marrying multiple people is better than marrying only one person who is your cousin

NEW ORLEANS, LA -- In what amounts to a huge victory for both the University of Utah and the entire state, the Utah Utes soundly defeated the Alabama Crimson Tide [continue reading...]

Furious Manning blames MVP award for playoff loss

INDIANAPOLIS, IN—Peyton Manning joined a very exclusive and elite club on Friday, becoming only the second man ever to win three NFL MVP awards in the modern era, equaling the [continue reading...]

2008 Year in Review, #1: Furious Palin demands recount after learning about “Golden State” while watching NBA

WASILLA, AK -- A furious Sarah Palin is phoning Republican attorneys this morning and demanding a recount after learning that an entire state's votes may not have been counted in [continue reading...]

2008 Year in Review, #2: Bob Costas is so fucking stoked right now that you have no idea

BEIJING, CHINA -- Bob Costas is so goddamn excited right now that he's fucking freaking out, dude. "I'm fuckin' flippin' my shit here, B," Costas told SSNN. "I mean I'm [continue reading...]

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(Jim) Rome sacked by barbarians
LOS ANGELES, CA—Doctors at Los Angeles County Hospital confirmed today that Jim Rome, controversial sports personality and host of Jim Rome Is Burning was sacked by Barbarians who broke into his condominium late last night. Rome is currently in critical but stable condition, with multiple broken bones, and internal bleeding. [continue reading...]

Martin Luther causes rift with Church over instant replay

Ben Franklin proposed that Continental Congress fantasy league uses yards as well as TDs in scoring system
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Sports Personals

34F looking for great NBA bloodlines

34 year-old F looking for tall, attractive offspring of NBA great. Does not necessarily need to be great himself. Must be willing to constantly defer to those around him. Rides the bench like it’s his job. Must be interested in being roughed up, preferably at the hands of the Boston Celtics. Note: I’m a little possessive and needy. I enjoy role-playing with fake guns and standing outside for hours at a time. I just got out of a real tough relationship; the guy took me to court and said I was ‘’stalking” him. Need to be comforted. Don’t call me, I’ll follow you.

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Sometimes SSNN has the unique and rare ability to acquire very real documents from within league offices, specific franchises, or even the email accounts or mailboxes of particular athletes. Nevermind how we come upon such correspondence... the important thing is that we are willing to share them with you, right here:
Lebron James furious about all these damn emails from David Plouffe and Barack Obama

Special to SSNN: Letter to the Editor from God regarding Kurt Warner-love

Transcript of an audio recording capturing an exchange between Ken Whisenhunt and Kurt Warner of the Arizona Cardinals
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Phil and Amy Mickelson fit like a glove…

Confucius on baseball…

Kobe in Heaven…
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The Biotch

Ovechkin wants Russian women only - DA!
Goodbye, Ocho Cinco....HELL-O, Sashen'ka Ovechkin! My new favorite athlete is even more hilarious-er than Chad, pretty cute despite the missing teeth, and he's looking for a Russian wife. OOO, ooo! Pick me!
I don't know, Alex - 5 to 10 kids? I guess if it means having that lovely jacuzzi, then it's all worth it...

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Pennington to Reed “the new Marino to Clayton”

Jets seeking an older, more mature and experienced quarterback

Utah victory over Alabama proves once and for all that marrying multiple people is better than marrying only one person who is your cousin

Furious Manning blames MVP award for playoff loss

2008 Year in Review, #1: Furious Palin demands recount after learning about “Golden State” while watching NBA

2008 Year in Review, #2: Bob Costas is so fucking stoked right now that you have no idea

Older Featured Stories...

SSNN History

(Jim) Rome sacked by barbarians

Martin Luther causes rift with Church over instant replay

Ben Franklin proposed that Continental Congress fantasy league uses yards as well as TDs in scoring system

Sports Personals

34F looking for great NBA bloodlines

Betting on love

Posthumously scoring

Sports Docs

Lebron James furious about all these damn emails from David Plouffe and Barack Obama

Special to SSNN: Letter to the Editor from God regarding Kurt Warner-love

Transcript of an audio recording capturing an exchange between Ken Whisenhunt and Kurt Warner of the Arizona Cardinals

Sports Jokes

Phil and Amy Mickelson fit like a glove…

Confucius on baseball…

Kobe in Heaven…

The Biotch

Ovechkin wants Russian women only - DA!

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